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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26165518">*scoff*</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/smudgywords/pseuds/smudgywords'>smudgywords</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alt!Yamaguchi, Angst with a Happy Ending, As a treat.., Bipolar Disorder, Depressed Yamaguchi Tadashi, Eventual Happy Ending, Fist Fights, Hinata Shouyou &amp; Yamaguchi Tadashi Friendship, Horny Teenagers, I swear, Internalized Homophobia, Jealous Tsukishima Kei, M/M, Making Out, Manic Episode, Nonbinary Character, Recreational Drug Use, Self-Harm, Teenage Rebellion, Tsukishima Kei Being an Asshole, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, its not explicitly said but I related it a lot to my own issues, jk don’t do drugs, like...sort of, maybe he gets a bit of a drug addiction..., this sounds angsty as hell and I mean it is but also it’s funny I swear, via throwing up</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 02:54:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,353</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26165518</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/smudgywords/pseuds/smudgywords</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He’s not going to do it. He’s not going to give into Tsukki’s sick desire to see him broken after he basically put a knife through his heart and twisted it, just for the hell of it. </p><p>He’s as stubborn as he is awkward. He’s not going to let that blond fuck see him suffer. </p><p>In fact, he’s going to thrive. </p><p>In other words, Yamaguchi goes through his teenage reckoning.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kuroo Tetsurou/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Yamaguchi Tadashi/Original Character(s), for like a second - Relationship, for like a second too</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>93</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. hand crushed by a mallet</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>please please please read the tags beforehand.</p><p>also, in this particular chapter, there is the f-slur! Be safe!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The blue light from the TV, long since ignored, is reflecting oh-so-beautifully off Tsukki’s cheeks. He’s looking at Yamaguchi like he’s seeing God, and Yamaguchi almost chuckles at the comparison. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yamaguchi?” The blond, usually composed, boy stutters out as Yamaguchi struggles to contain the heart flying around in his ribcage. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He settles on placing two hands on Tsukki’s cheeks, thumb rubbing over the hardest part of his cheekbone. Tsukki is flushed, understandably so.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi begins, knowing that the words to come will be released violently, struggling away from the nauseous ache in Yamaguchi’s stomach that makes him hesitate and think far too much. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tsukki looks like he’s about to melt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m in love with you,” He blurts out, heat rising to his cheeks and waiting for the blond’s response. The nauseous ache in his stomach suffocated him, making his hands on Tsukki’s face sweat uncontrollably. He knows that he is shaking, twitching. “I just thought you should know,” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tsukki looks like he’s about to kiss Yamaguchi, so the ache momentarily subsides, but the way the blond flinches violently as he begins moving forward makes in come back in all it’s raging glory. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t love you that way, Tadashi,” Tsukki says, disgust in his eyes and suddenly he’s moving away from Yamaguchi, rolling over in his bed and pulling the blankets over himself, “Go to sleep,” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tadashi sits there for a second. He feels scarily calm, but his blood is pumping wildly in his ears. Minutes pass as he sits there, one hand fisted in the carpeting and the other still slightly curled from the way it was laid on Tsukki’s face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t know what he expected. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tsukki is not asleep, Yamaguchi knows that much. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, Kei,” He whispers into the dark room, “Sleep well,” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s not actually okay, but I’m sure you didn’t need that spelled out for you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yamaguchi pretends to lay down and sleep, he knows he is laying on the ground, he’s supposed to be on the futon, but he can’t bring himself to get up. It just feels like he is frozen in action.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Finally, Tsukishima falls asleep. It’s around 2 am, Yamaguchi notes. He’s still awake on the ground, rug burn prickling at his arms. Silently, he gets up, feet stepping over the parts of the floor that he knows will creak just based off how many times he’s been to Tsukki’s house. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The window in the bathroom is slightly open, and that’s all the motivation Yamaguchi needs. That has always been the escape route, the way that they would sneak Yamaguchi in, or sneak Tsukishima out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He grips the sides on the window as he pulls his legs out in front, the cold air making him shiver audibly. Like he’s exiting a bus from the back, he slides out and hits the wet grass with bare feet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With a disgusted grumble, he begins to walk home. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He arrives home within the hour, though he can’t exactly be sure since he’s conscious enough to count. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As soon as he sneaks back into his room, he picks up a pillow and lets out a strangled scream into it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That asshole. That fucking liar. Was it all a big joke? Was Yamaguchi the jester, yet again? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Months prior to this shitty night, he and Tsukki found themselves in a weird, ‘I’ll make out with you when we’re alone but won’t even hug you in public’ sort of relationship. It wasn’t official, but it was something that existed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He remembers those nights, crawling into bed with his childhood friend and kissing so deeply that Yamaguchi would feel sore in the mouth afterwards. The awkward grinding, the biting, the heavy air, it couldn’t just be a joke, right?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s not stupid like Tsukishima thinks he is. He sees the way Tsukki stares after him, tracing his figure. He thought he was right. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How could Tsukki do this? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He expected to be sad, hell, he prepared himself for it, but the last thing he expected was to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>pissed off</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tsukki played him like a fiddle, he did it on purpose, Yamaguchi realizes, he wanted to see Yamaguchi crumble so he could laugh and laugh at how pathetic the </span>
  <em>
    <span>faggot in front of him is. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yamaguchi grits his teeth so hard that he accidentally catches a bit of his cheek in it, blood welling onto his tongue. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s not going to do it. He’s not going to give into Tsukki’s sick desire to see him broken after he basically put a knife through his heart and twisted it, just for the hell of it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s as stubborn as he is awkward. He’s not going to let that blond fuck see him suffer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In fact, he’s going to </span>
  <em>
    <span>thrive. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He gags on blood that slides down his throat and throws up into his wastebasket. It’s sickeningly strawberry flavored, and that just makes him throw up more. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As he shakily lifts his head up from the basket, chest heaving and drooling just a little bit, he feels new air go into his lungs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s not yesterday’s Yamaguchi anymore. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s today now. Monday, he realizes, so he should probably sleep for school. School, where he’s going to prove just how much he doesn’t rely on Tsukishima. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yamaguchi feels like a snake who just shed his skin. With unexpected vigor, he rips his phone from his pocket and blocks Tsukki’s number. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just like that, Yamaguchi deletes his Instagram account, deletes his Snapchat, gets rid of any evidence of who he used to be.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And with a laugh, he throws himself back on his bed and exhales shakily. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He feels too powerful right now, it’s too unsettling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yamaguchi wills himself to sleep. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>                                                             ***</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Yamaguchi wakes up earlier than he expected. </span>
  <em>
    <span>5:25 A.M.</span>
  </em>
  <span>, his clock reads. Despite this, he rolls out of bed and groans at the pain in his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Waddling to the bathroom, he shakes his hair into a somewhat acceptable form, washes his face, and brushes his teeth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He still doesn’t really feel like himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not like that’s a bad thing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Throwing on his school clothes, he grabs his school bag and leaves at just barely 6 AM. The sun isn’t even up yet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Licking his lips, he figures he might as well make up for his extremely early arrival and practice with Hinata and Kageyama, who are most likely going to be there a bit after him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>yam boy: going 2 be at the school extremely early. when are you and kageyama gonna be there? we can practice</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>sugadad is typing… </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>sugadad: why are you up so early? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>yam boy: just woke up that way I guess</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>yam boy: sorry </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>sunshine boy: YAY I GET EXTRA YAM TIME :DDD</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>yam boy: :^) </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>sunshine boy: we will be there in like 10!! better get warmed up &gt;:)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>yam boy: kk &gt;:-)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yamaguchi is there at 6:30, almost a full hour before he is supposed to be. He walks into the gym, quickly changing into his volleyball uniform. He looks especially pale today, he notes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hinata and Kageyama burst into the room loudly, already bickering. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yam!” Hinata grinned, wrapping him in a tight hug. Yamaguchi hugged him back, albeit hesitantly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re practicing with us today?” Kageyama asks, side eyeing him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah,” Yamaguchi looks away, “If you don’t mind,” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kageyama snorts, “Hope you’re ready,” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Truth be told, Yamaguchi was in </span>
  <em>
    <span>no way ready for the torture that was practicing with Hinata and Kageyama alone. </span>
  </em>
  <span>They did everything with extravagant energy, making Yamaguchi stay at their pace. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>By the end of both ‘before-morning-practice’ practice and actual morning practice, Yamaguchi is aching all over. He toweled himself off, ignoring the way that Tsukki stared at him. He left before anyone else, not sticking around to chat before classes began. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He almost groaned audibly when Tsukki greeted him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” He sticks with, trying to keep malice from overflowing in his tone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you walk with me today?” Tsukki asked bluntly, eyes searching Yamaguchi’s face and </span>
  <em>
    <span>he absolutely hates this feeling</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He hates how Tsukki has to read him fully before saying anything. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yamaguchi feels a surge of tiredness and apathy, so he just responds by shrugging. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tsukki doesn’t say anything else to him as they walk together.<br/>
</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> He prefers it that way. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. my ordinary life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>yamaguchi meets his new friends.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sorry for the original characters in this, I was just rlly excited to make characters lol. also! I’m not exactly sure how honorifics work in Japan so rather than offend someone I just decided not to use them xx</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Yamaguchi!” Is all the warning he gets before a volleyball hits him straight in the head during the afternoon practice.</p><p>It hit him straight in the nose, and it’s honestly a marvel there wasn’t a ginormous crack. Tsukki is over in an instant, but Yamaguchi can’t hold back a huff when he sees the blond.</p><p>“Yamaguchi, are you okay? Are you bleeding?” Suga instantly asks, just like the motherhen he is. Yamaguchi can feel the blood dripping from his nose and makes an audible groan as he removes his hands to find blood pouring over his lips.</p><p>“Yamaguchi, I am so sorry! Are you okay? Do you need to go to the nurse?” Asahi trembled, clearly very upset that he hurt him.</p><p>“Ah, its okay,” Yamaguchi manages to say, “It was my fault,”</p><p>Still, “I shouldn’t have served that hard, I’m so sorry,” Asahi pursed his lips.</p><p>“No, it’s fine,” Tsukki interjects, eyes fixed on Yamaguchi, “He wasn’t paying attention,”</p><p>Yamaguchi narrows his eyes at that, and everyone is suddenly aware of the thick tension between the two friends.</p><p>The smaller boy scoffs and stands up, hand to his nose, “Agreed,” He says bitterly, not wanting to make Asahi feel bad but still wanting to spite Tsukki.</p><p>Tsukki and Yamaguchi share a second of uncomfortable eye contact before Yamaguchi turns around and straight up walks out.</p><p>He hears Tsukki call his name, but that does not deter him.</p><p>He runs, despite the ache and weeping calves. Yamaguchi can feel Tsukki on his tail, and half of him wants to start crying, but the other half is only focused on not letting Tsukki win this time.</p><p>So his feet lead him to the back of the school, where the dumpster is. He practically screeches to a halt as he sees the scene in front of him.</p><p>Four teens, sitting around. Two of them are smoking and the other two are just chilling. They’re all dressed in uniform still, but that doesn’t put off the wave of edge and intimidation that flows off them.</p><p>He’s frozen, and he barely registers that his hands are shaking and his nose is still bleeding, shit, fuck, fuck-</p><p>A girl with bright pink hair sits up, puts out a cigarette, and walks towards him.</p><p>“Hey, are you okay?” Her voice is gentle, so much different than he expected. He shrinks under her gaze.</p><p>“I- Um,” He stutters, then jumps at hearing Tsukki call his name again. He’s right behind him.</p><p>The blond is out of breath, swearing under his breath, “Can you stay still for one minute, jackass?”</p><p>As if on cue, the bright pink girl steps in front of Yamaguchi, face turned into a scowl.</p><p>“I don’t know what you’re doing, but leave him the fuck alone,” She hisses, and he hears Tsukki scoff.</p><p>“You don’t even know him,” He says coldly.</p><p>“He was running from you. That’s the only information I need,” She growls, then turns to Yamaguchi, “Do you want to see him?”</p><p>Yamaguchi has no idea what to say, so he just makes a small strangled noise in the back of his throat. Utterly poetic of him.</p><p>“Oh yeah, definitely sounds like he wants to be around you real bad right now,” Another girl pipes up. Yamaguchi turns to her, still twitching like a bitch.</p><p>“That’s not-“ Tsukki starts, but is cut off by the black girl who was now standing beside Yamaguchi.</p><p>“Leave.” She utters, not leaving absolutely any room to argue.</p><p>Tsukki huffs, “Fine. Bye, Tadashi,” He turns and leaves, irritation surrounding him.</p><p>Yamaguchi is still shaking uncontrollably, breaths barely making it into his lungs as he pushes them back out just as fast,</p><p>“Are you okay, honey?” The black girl asks, concern in her voice.</p><p>“I think he’s having a panic attack,” The guy pipes up, sitting up and coming over. He gently puts his hands on Yamaguchi’s shoulders, “Let's sit down, okay?”</p><p>Yamaguchi numbly follows him, sitting on the concrete and leaning against the school wall.</p><p>“Breathe with me, okay?” He instructs, inhaling a bit more dramatically than needed. He held it for a split second, before exhaling it.</p><p>Yamaguchi follows his breathing, finally beginning to feel his heart slow down. Suddenly, he blinks, and he finally realizes how much has gone down in the span of 10 minutes.</p><p>Someone presses a tissue to his nose, making him flinch violently.</p><p>“Seia, you have to give a guy some warning,” The guy scowls at his friend, who shrugs.</p><p>“Did he punch you?” The black girl asks, face turned in a frown.</p><p>Yamaguchi knows that racism is still prevalent in Japan, but he can’t really understand how people think less of black people, because the girl in front of him looks absolutely ethereal.</p><p>The sun shines on her so perfectly and Yamaguchi half-expects angel wings to flop out from behind her.</p><p>“N-No, it was a volleyball,” He stammers.</p><p>“Good. Because if he punched you, I’d have to shove his own fist up his ass,” She laughs, the pretty noise making Yamaguchi flush.</p><p>“Ah, what’s your name?” The pink girl asks, sitting down beside Yamaguchi. He only now notices the bright green eyeshadow smeared around her eyes.</p><p>“I’m...Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi Tadashi,” He chews on his lip, grimacing at the blood stained on his shirt.</p><p>“I’m Mae, but my friends call me Methhead sometimes,” She grinned, laughing at the immediate discomfort in Yamaguchi’s face. “I’m not actually a methhead, I swear,”</p><p>“I...like your hair,” He manages, looking down and away from everyone’s gaze.</p><p>“Thank you!” She beams, lighting up a cigarette.</p><p>“I’m Goto Naomi,” The black girl smiles warmly, “If you couldn’t tell, I’m a transfer student,”</p><p>“You speak Japanese really well,” Yamaguchi settles down, letting himself be comfortable in their presence. It’s hard, but he can’t imagine that they’d try anything mean now.</p><p>“Thank you, I’m fluent,” She chuckles, “I’m half Japanese,”</p><p>“O-Oh,” He stutters, then turns his attention to the boy who starts speaking.</p><p>“I’m Aomi. You can call me AR,” He shifts in his position, “I’m non-binary, so please use they/them pronouns, eh?”</p><p>Yamaguchi immediately feels bad for profiling them as a guy, and it shows on his face.</p><p>“Don’t worry, I didn’t expect you to know,” They laugh, tugging on a small bag of Hot Cheetos they have by their side.</p><p>“Can I ask, uh,” Yamaguchi taps nervously, “Why are you called AR?”</p><p>AR hands a handful of Hot Cheetos to Yamaguchi, surprising him enough that the boy almost drops them as they land in his hand, “Well, my surname is Rakuyama. Plus, AR can also mean assault rifle, so it’s like- uh, cool, I guess,” They stumble over their words at the end, looking away in embarrassment.</p><p>Yamaguchi immediately feels some sort of kinship with them at the awkwardness, so he smiles softly and compliments it, “I think it’s really cool!”</p><p>The three other teens look to the girl in the corner, still smoking and surfing through her phone.</p><p>“Seia?” Mae motions for her to introduce herself.</p><p>Seia blinks, misinterpreting it and handing a cigarette to Yamaguchi, he immediately drops it.</p><p>“Uh, I’m good, thank you,” He squeaks, wondering if he can get lung cancer just by touching it.</p><p>“No, Seia, introduce yourself,” Naomi rolls her eyes at the small girl in the corner.</p><p>“Oh,” She says, blankly, “I’m Seia.”</p><p>“Sorry, she’s not very...sociable,” Mae explains, rubbing the nape of her neck.</p><p>“Ah, its okay, I understand,” Yamaguchi smiles.</p><p>“Whatever, methhead,” Seia responds, full of snark.</p><p>He feels like this might be a good start.</p><p>                                                          ***</p><p>“Really? That fucking sucks, dude,” AR says as the two walk to lunch.</p><p>“Yeah,” Yamaguchi chews on his lip. He and AR have become especially close, pretty much inseparable since AR didn’t have any other friends in their lunch period.</p><p>“I knew that guy was an asshole, I mean,” AR nods their head as they walk past the blond at his table, sitting with Hinata and Kageyama. He makes eye contact with Yamaguchi for a split second, before ripping his gaze away. “Just look at him, all stuffy,”</p><p>“Stuffy?” Yamaguchi laughs at his friend’s choice of words, “I mean, I guess,”</p><p>The two sit down at a table in the corner. Neither had brought anything more than a couple snacks, and it was pretty much implied that they would share.</p><p>Opening a bag of Hot Cheetos, (Yamaguchi found that they had a strange addiction to them), AR immediately took in a long breath at the sight of fresh, unopened hot chips.</p><p>“What in God’s name are you doing?” Yamaguchi snorted, watching as AR practically confessed their love to the chips.</p><p>“Bro, smell that. Tell me that doesn’t smell like heaven,” AR pushed the bag in his face, “Spicy, cheesy heaven,”</p><p>“More like ulcer heaven,” Yamaguchi remarked, eyes watering just from the smell. Okay, so, he was a wimp when it came to spices. He didn’t think it was a big deal until he met AR.</p><p>“Ulcer? What the fuck is that?” AR raised their eyebrow. They opened their mouth to say more, but were cut off by a fluffy cluster of orange hair sitting beside them in a flash.</p><p>“Hey!” Hinata greeted cheerfully, but Yamaguchi knew that he was there to do something, say something about him and Tsukki. Two could play at that game, he thought.</p><p>“Oh! Hinata, right?” AR smiled back, offering a chip to Hinata. Hinata took one, but scrunched his face up as he tasted the spice.</p><p>“Y-Yeah,” Yamaguchi awkwardly smiled.</p><p>“I’m AR! It’s nice to meet you!” AR handed over their water bottle to Hinata, who was obviously seconds away from a meltdown over the spicyness.</p><p>“Nice to meet you too,” Hinata smiled thoughtfully, “So, uh, you know Tsukki and Kageyama are over there, right? You should bring AR, I think they’d love to meet him!”</p><p>Yamaguchi bit his lip at the misgendering, watching AR awkwardly smile and explain their pronouns.</p><p>“Oh! I’m sorry, I didn’t know!” Hinata immediately apologized, a frown on his face even after AR assured him it was fine, “So, uh, do you wanna go over there? I think Tsukki misses you,” Hinata stuck his tongue out playfully.</p><p>Yamaguchi raised his eyebrow, “I’m good, but thanks,”</p><p>Hinata seemed confused as to why Yamaguchi would decline, so he kept going, “Is it because of the fight last week? Tsukki says stuff all the time that he doesn’t mean, he’s really sorry,”</p><p>He fought the urge to laugh at the irony.</p><p>“Yeah, I know Tsukki says a lot of stuff he doesn’t mean,” Yamaguchi sighed, taking a sip of his iced tea. “Seriously, I’m good. Thank you though,”</p><p>Hinata frowned, then smiled sadly, “Okay, I guess. See you at practice?”</p><p>Yamaguchi hummed a yes, before returning to his meal with his friend.</p><p>As soon as lunch let out and AR was out of sight, Yamaguchi ran to the bathroom.</p><p>Shaking violently, he desperately slammed the stall door closed as he hunched over the toilet and shoved two fingers down his throat,</p><p>His teeth scraped against the skin, but Yama did not care. All he cared about was getting rid of that experience, which meant throwing up.</p><p>If anyone saw him, they would think it was bulimia, but it really wasn’t about that. It was metaphorical, maybe even poetic, though Yamaguchi could see the danger in calling it that.</p><p>Every time he threw up, he molted out of his old skin. He was new, like a baby bird who got rid of his old down. It hurt, yes, and it did leave him feeling a bit weak, but it was worth it.</p><p>Something rose in him, and finally, finally, he threw up in the toilet.</p><p>Taking deep breaths, he came to his feet and flushed, ready to bolt out of there and get to his next class.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>also I am desperately in love with AR so expect to see them a lot</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>please leave comments!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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